Rearview Mirror

     I need to stop looking in my rear view mirror.Instead of focusing on the past I have to start looking forward and learning to accept things as they are now. Some days are better than others. I may sneak peeks but I don't dwell on things that can't be changed. But other days I can't get out of this depressed funk I keep going into and I get mad at myself for not losing this weight sooner.
I don't even know if being thinner would have made a difference or not. Would I still have Lymphedema if I wasn't overweight? I guess I'll never know. And I need to be okay with that.

     In July of 2012 I had surgery on my inner right thigh to remove a lymph node. I had a very bad infection and I need to be more grateful that it was contained to just that lymph node! I had to see an infectious disease specialist and was told they have no idea how I may have contacted this type of infection but it was something they usually only see in a third world country. Yikes!

   A few weeks after surgery I knew something wasn't right. I'm very lucky that I had already known about Lymphedema. I knew it wasn't normal swelling and I also knew what NOT to do. A lot of people listen to their doctors who are not educated about this and they end up making things worse.

   I'm in week 7 of therapy and hopefully will be finished in the next few weeks. But I will have to deal with this condition the rest of my life. I will have to wear layers of cotton,foam and bandages every night and a thigh high compression sleeve and toe wraps every day.I will also have to do manual lymph drainage massages every day too.I'm so thankful for such a loving and supportive husband.He has learned the special techniques and  helps wrap me and says he doesn't think anything of it.

   I'm determined to get this weight off.There is no cure but I'm sure it will make things a little easier for me.I'm down 20 pounds since starting therapy but have a long way to go.I also need to work on looking ahead and not looking back. I'm ready for this journey.I just need to focus on my bright future and not dwell on the past.